Better Laid Plans
by Unformal Sorrelle
Summary: A series of drabblesque moments about 4X17 in the humor genre. Featuring a very supportive Charming, uncomfortable discussion about free will, the evils of the devious Plot, a more logical conclusion on a photo glare, and Henry being awesome.


Better Laid Plans

_A drababble series of Best Laid Plans_

**A/N**: What is a drababble? It's basically a short, drabble like piece, that can be longer or shorter but is still just brief enough to get an idea across. This is a series of not necessarily connected drababbles done similarly to my Merlin fic Filling the Hollow Moments that basically picks at everything from poor character choices to plot holes. Each one is trying to make a different joke or point, and it helps to have the episode fresh in your mind for context. Some poke fun at some silly moments while others make references to something the scene reminded me of. It's pretty humorous altogether so I hope you enjoy!

* * *

The pristinely white unicorn stood in the forest, watching the two humans. It eyed them wearily before galloping off.

It kind of knew better than to accept an apple in the Enchanted Forest.

…

"Are you sure that wasn't a trick?" Charming asked her,

"She ripped out my heart! She didn't care that I was her mother." Snow sounded absolutely dreadful, a mix of fear and sorrow glistening from her eyes. "I don't know what could have happened, what darkness could have possessed her to do that at thirteen?"

"Remember Snow, I didn't see it. She looked just fine in my vision. Maybe you're missing the context, that's all. The future is supposed to be tricky after all."

Snow's eyes widened and she opened her mouth with a gasp, "And what _context_ would make it ok for our daughter to rip my heart out!?"

"I don't know. She could have been under a spell, or maybe you had some sort of curse. We can't just panic over a small glimpse of our child's future and right her off. I can't believe that any child of ours will grow up to be a villain."

"But what if she does?"

Charming thought about this. Eventually he shrugged and gave a smile, "Then she'll grow up to be the very best dark sorceress she can be and know that she has parents who love her and support her life decisions."

"…Charming-"

"We'll we're hardly going to have her turn out to be some _pawn_ of darkness or something. If our baby wants to rule the world then-"

"_Charming_!"

"And then on holidays or whenever she wants to take a little break from world domination then-"

Snow looked at her husband and just started walking away when he started mentioning how he would buy their daughter cute baby monsters that she could train to eventually guard her empire. It was official.

Snow didn't know if her daughter would truly turn out to be evil or not. She would, however, be incredibly _spoiled_.

…

"What's wrong with him?!" Emma looked at August, "He was just fine and talking a little while ago."

The Blue Fairy shook her head and gave some line about his propensity towards magical transformations- something that was kind of the Blue Fairy's fault in the first place when you thought about it.

August gave a shaky cough and raised his arm, "Emma?"

"Yes, August?" She crouched at his side, her worry evident in her voice.

"Get me away from her," he pointed at the fairy, "She's an agent of the Plot!"

Both women jerked backwards, completely different expressions on their faces.

"What do you mean?" Emma looked back at Blue suspiciously, but with mostly confusion. The Plot? Was that related to the Author? What was going on here?

"Did you notice how she said that I was stuck as a child forever but Rumplestiltskin was able to restore me without any trouble? And then as soon as I'm around her I start weakening? It's obvious that she wants me out of the way… just like the Plot."

Emma widened her eyes and gave him her standard _what the heck is even _look before shooting another glance towards the protesting Blue. "But why would anyone want you gone?"

"You're- Emma-" he coughed again, "You're cursed Emma."

"Pfft, I'm not cursed. I'm the Savior. I break curses." She smiled in an attempt to be reassuring. She was pretty sure now that this was just August's fever or something. It had to be, right? Wouldn't she know if she was cursed? "Anyways, who would curse me?"

"The Plot." August really wasn't sounding good. Maybe he needed water? "It demands drama and it's found the easiest was for that is to mess with your love life."

"Oh hey buddy-" Emma protested but the formerly wooden continued,

"Graham. Me. Neal. The Flying Monkey." He coughed again, "Have you ever noticed that everyone of us disappeared right after another of us appeared. None of us can stick around long in the same place around you. You are cursed, Emma, cursed with the inability to choose whoever you actually prefer without one of us dying, actually being evil, or turning into wood."

"That can't be true."

He gave a dry chuckle. "Oh Emma, after all this time and you still won't believe me about curses."

…

"Hey, no one, not Rumplestiltskin or some author gets to decide who I am," Emma gave Killian a big dramatic hug, "I make my own choices. I don't think that… darkness can change that. After all, I have my own _free will_, don't I?"

Snow twitched uncomfortably. As she should.

…

"No, wait," Henry stopped Regina's phone from taking a picture by snatching the door away and replaced it with the copy, "Do this one. They won't know the difference."

"I'm sure that won't be necessary Henry, I don't think even Gold can do much with a photo." Regina tried to reassure him.

"Please Mom, I just really don't think letting them have a picture of the real page is a good idea."

Regina shared a look with Emma and then shrugged. Henry was right, she doubted Gold would actually know the difference. He still thought it was just a visual clue.

She snapped a picture of the copy and no strange glare appeared.

…

"That's a terrible picture Regina! And look at the glare! Ug, that is truly awful darling." Cruella huffed haughtily,

"That's no glare, that's magic." Rumplestiltskin grinned and opened his mouth to go on about how that must be the actual door the author was trapped in but Regina got there first,

"Yeah, the protection spell. I told all of you that the Savior protected the page."

Rumple had to admit that that was actually the more logical conclusion.

…

As Snow and Charming turned to leave they were a little surprised to see their daughter, grandson, and friendly neighborhood pirate staring at them.

"What." Emma's eyes were big with horror as she looked at her parents.

"You heard us?" Snow sounded oh so shocked at this. Oh, what had they said? Nothing specific right? Just stuff about that they had a secret, right? Or... How did they hear them.

"Gramma, you're standing only a few feet away." Henry pointed out.

"Err…" Charming shrugged awkwardly, "Looks like we have some explaining to do."

…

"You realize that you're talking about your own grandson." Regina snarled at the man, "My son?"

"You're the one who left the page in his hands, dearie."

"If you touch one hair on his head then I'm going to turn you into a smurf. You can talk about him testing my loyalty all you want, you hypocrite. I think I remember a man who spent 300 years getting the Dark Curse to be cast so that he could see his son again. If you think that I wouldn't do twice as much for Henry as you have down for Baelfire then you are insane."

Rumple trembled a bit, ready to yell at her for daring mention his son's name, before he stopped and thought about it.

And Henry was Bae's son too.

Maybe he shouldn't have been so callous with his vaguely threatening words.

Maybe this whole plot was a little off the rails.

Maybe instead of chasing power he should have been content with the people he loved, being married to Belle and seeing Henry regularly.

Maybe instead of blaming the author who was trapped and had been trapped for thirty years he should just stop making bad choices.

Then he gave a high pitched giggle and reminded himself and everyone around him that the Dark One had never been the sanest of men.

…

"Wait, don't you think that taking the free will from our child is bad?"

"We can't allow her to become a villain!"

"But we're fine with putting darkness into Maleficent's child."

"It's an egg, not a baby."

"You do know that Maleficent's a shapeshifter, and that this baby's parents are most definitely human? Therefore said egg is actually a human baby?"

"Any child of Maleficent is going to be dark anyway."

"The sorcerer's apprentice literally said that babies are born as blank slates. When you think of it, he shouldn't even be able to yank our child's darkness since she doesn't have any yet..."

"I'll admit that part is a little strange… But we saw the future Charming! We know that she's going to turn evil."

"With free will, raised by us."

"Yes."

"I'm starting to see where her darkness comes from."

"…Yeah."

…

"I said that I'm the only one that's going to deal with my son!" Regina glowered and waved her hands, purple smoke whisking away the problem. Oh, how handy knowing a teleportation spell was!

…

Henry stared at the page, beyond tired of searching for clues. He had spent weeks upon weeks looking at this door and he'd found nothing. The only real breakthrough was from August.

With a sigh and a shrug he pulled out a pencil. With very crisp, precise and readable lettering he wrote,

_Hello, I'm Henry. Can you tell me how to get you out of there?_

To his surprise, the words disappeared when he finished. With a grin he waited for something else to happen. A golden glow precluded the appearance of inked writing with almost ridiculous serifs,

_Hello Henry, my name is Tom Riddle_

…

When the golden light started bleeding through the book, Henry dropped it and jumped away. He wasn't exactly planning on getting himself trapped in the book.

…

Even if he was the True Believer, whatever that even meant, Henry still had to wonder about some things. He'd been having some weird thoughts lately- like is any of this real or not?

The non-verbal voice didn't help matters…

_So much to do, so little time…_

"Uh, who are you?" He looked around, a little disconcerted. But still, nothing other than the book.

_Take your time. Don't be afraid._

"…ok. Are you the Author?"

_The door is still shut._

Henry scratched his head awkwardly, "Uh… sorry?"

_Now step forward. Can you do it?_

"Will that free you from the book?" He inched forward cautiously, still seeing no change to the page.

_Power sleeps within you. If you give it form… It will give you strength._

"Power? Like magic? You mean I have magic? Oh, that's so awesome!"

_Choose well._

"Choose well? Of course if I have a choice I'll choose magic!"

And so the exchange went, Henry getting more and more confused, but going along with it. Eventually a golden key appeared in his grasp, and by instinct he pointed it at the door, only slightly jumping when it shot a laser.

And so the new Keybearer regarded his Keyblade in awe while the Author started legging it.

"Cool."

…

Charming and Snow were so glad to see that their grandson was safe, but they both felt guilty about their plan. They both knew how much the book and the page and the author meant to Henry.

He started staying how he had given Regina the forgery and kept the real copy.

"Where is it?" Charming asked, feeling horrible as he knew that by destroying the page that he was doing something awful to Henry.

"Oh, that doesn't matter."

"What?!" Snow raised her eyebrows, and shared a look with her husband,

"I found the key."

Both of the adults blanched.

"Did you?"

"Yeah, and I let him out! He's a little weird and drunk so I kinda locked him in a room until my moms can get here to ask about mom's happy ending but his name is Walt. Like Walt Disney I guess. I wonder if it's just a coincidence…?"

…

Meanwhile Aurora was having a wonderful adventure and ended up saving the world. She didn't kidnap and innocent child, only to use and lose, and she didn't creep on her spouse who didn't consent to being seen. She just had fun and did good.

But as there was no drama the Plot refused to show her story.

Aurora didn't mind and after it was over she went right back to her child, husband, and Mulan who had joined the Off-Screen Rebellion against the devious Plot.

Their stories wouldn't go down in history, and this is only sad for us.

…

"This is your limit?" Charming looked at her astounded, "Kidnapping was fine, but burning a page is just far out?"

"Yeah… Hey Charming, drop that ball."

"What ball?"

"The idiot ball that we both have been carrying around. You'll see."

Charming was skeptical but let the ball fall to the floor. Immediately he kicked it into the fire.

"This was really not a good episode for us, was it?"

"No. No, it wasn't."

..

While trying to save Maleficent's baby, Snow found herself getting sucked into the ominous red vortex.

"CHARMING!"

"SNOW!" Charming took her hand but instead of being able to pull her out, he found himself getting pulled in too.

Little did they know that if they had escaped, then they wouldn't have been able to raise their little girl.

…

Rumplestiltskin's eyes bulged as he learned just how Ursula and Cruella had been banished to the Land Without Magic. Then he banged his head against the wall.

"I didn't need 300 years preparing for a curse, did I?"

Not to mention, he could have just used a wardrobe. Or a magic bean. A trip on his father's shadow. A rabbit…

…

"Wait a moment-" Emma stopped him and August looked at him quizzically, "Walt? Like Walt Disney? Walt Disney?! I can't believe this…"

"…I never made that connection." August's own eyes bulged, "I'm thinking there's some really strange fourth wall relations going on right now."

"Fourth wall?"

The fabric of reality rumbled.

"Nevermind. Just pretend you've never heard of Walt Disney. It's safer. Doesn't attract the attention."

"Of what? The Plot?"

"No, worse… _the Lawyers_."

…

"So Walt is the one who's taken everyone's happy ending since he's started changing things?"

"Officially."

"What do you mean, _officially_?"

"According to the Plot he's the one to blame."

"August, I'm getting really worried about you…"

"Well if they've opened up the floor to authors then the writers of this show-"

Reality's fabric rumbled again.

"I think you should just stop." Emma squeezed his hand, slightly worried, "I don't believe in any of that but if I did then I'd tell you to be careful."

"Ok, ok- I'll get back to my exposition. Although making the Big Bad an author who changes things…" August shook his head, "It just seems like a big jab at fanfic writers which is-"

A ripping sound like a sheet started, hissing like the boom of celestial thunder.

"August!"

"…Sorry."

…

"So can we blame all our actions on the Author?"

"Isn't that cheating?"

"But if it's the truth…"

"Then everything's just become that much more complicated."

* * *

**A/N: **Hey! Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this :D

This episode just had soooo much to just... well pick at. As the only other one of these was started by a ridiculous Merlin episode, I'm not sure what this means for what's coming but hey, I'm sure everything will turn out fine in comparison to that. I don't know if I'll do another one. That's up to whether anyone's interested and if I'm inspired by another episode. If you want more then tell me, and I'll try to continue this.


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